Sex in YA Books

For a lot of people/readers, sex doesn’t belong in YA. Or writers are very cautious about it, tip toe around it, or just avoid it all together for fear of backlash and a “banned book” label. The thresholds for what should and shouldn’t be written varies so widely that there really isn’t a set “right way” to describe sex, and that’s what makes it scary for many writers.

For me, the difference between something sexually graphic like an erotica sex scene and a YA sex scene is the intent, and in my opinion, that’s an easy line to distinguish. In adult romance or erotica, the intent for sex in the book is for kinkiness, heightened sense of sexual knowledge for themselves and others, naughtiness, mutual attraction, fun, entertainment, and potentially, a lead into a more serious adult relationship/commitment. The language is vulgar with a focus on sexual images, and at times, it’s very low stakes.

For sex in YA, the stakes are much higher, consequences much steeper, feelings are heightened, and the overall impact having sex as a teen is a much bigger deal. How it’s described also depends on the AGE of the characters. Detailed descriptions of sex for characters under eighteen probably isn’t smart.

So what does this have to do with my own work?

First, as you all already know, I am a writer of upper Young Adult and New Adult Fiction (ages 15-29). If you haven’t already picked up on this, my writing style is edgy, straightforward, and quite frankly, unapologetic. I write what I feel is real and what exists in reality… and this includes sex.

At the very beginning of the publishing process for Looking Beyond the Ordinary, I spent a lot of time Googling and researching blogs, articles, and forums about what constitutes appropriate depictions of sex in YA fiction because I had written one in my novel. What was legal? What was too much? What was too little? What were other authors doing? I felt really anxious about it, so I sought as much knowledge as I could. After synthesizing the information and having many self-talks, I ultimately decided to keep the scene the way it was originally written.

Let me say more.

*SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN’T READ LOOKING BEYOND THE ORDINARY. SKIP TO MY FINAL TAKE BELOW*

Looking Beyond the Ordinary’s sex scene takes place in the 4^th quarter of the book between two eighteen-year-old characters Jarell and Jade after chapters and chapters of their developing relationship. Majority of the scene was heavy on their emotions, the awkwardness of the moment, the fears, the newness of the experience, and the beauty of such innocence as they discover what was once unknown. But also, this scene does dive into describing the actual act of sex between the characters, which is where the point of contention would likely come in as a book labeled YA.

*END OF SPOILER*

I kept the scene the way it was for several reasons. First, YA has an extremely broad audience even if the book is just marketed to teens, hence why most YA reviews come from adults who would then recommend the book to younger audiences. It’s rare that a YA book takes off because teens leave reviews – it’s the adults who read it and then recommend it to teens who may fit the profile of a book that’s potentially good for them.

Second, I’m an indie author who knows her audience for a reason. Nobody can tell me what I can and cannot write in ways that traditional publishing does. Censorship is the death of creativity, author voice, and quite frankly, reality for many people (which I’ll talk more about below). So with that, sex can be a significant part of the late teenage experience. 

I’ll be very honest with y’all.

In my own reading experience growing up, particularly between the ages 14-18, I had often felt really frustrated with how “realistic” YA fiction portrayed sex as some “fade to black” event that lacked detail. No author I’ve read ever took the risk of describing what “first times” could potentially be like from start to end, the emotions involved, how scary it would be, how it would potentially feel, and just the overall experience of sex in general. I was curious just like my peers around me at the late teen stage who talked about it A LOT at school or when hanging out, but never had the occurrence to attach it to. Or I would wonder about it when my other high school peers who have had the experience talk about what it was like for them.

So because I was a frustrated reader, I wrote something I wished I could’ve read to help me navigate my own thoughts about the act and details of sex at that age. Because best believe I would’ve never asked any adult in my life what sex was like or felt like. No way in hell.

Now granted, I’ll also say that I’m not marketing my novel to middle aged teens between 11-14 years old either. Looking Beyond the Ordinary has a disclaimer and author note at the very beginning of the book as a YA novel for readers ages sixteen and older due to mature topics and a sex scene. However, almost ALL of the adults who have read my book have either expressed that the scene wasn’t explicit, have said all high schoolers should read it, or even made the choice to gift it to teens younger than sixteen. The youngest an adult gifted their teen this book was thirteen. And well? That is a choice they have the right to make. Why?

Because the adults know good and damn well they were ALSO frustrated readers at 14-18 with bland ass fade-to-black scenes that never depicted what the experience is like in a realistic way.

They know their aging teens feel the same way about the lack of sexual reality in the books they’re reading right now. Otherwise they’d never recommend Looking Beyond the Ordinary to teens. Period.

Another reason why folk probably recommend the book to younger audiences is because the sex scene is so much more than a frivolous fuck for fun. If you really tease it apart, there were deep anti-rape culture messages throughout the entire chapter such as what teen consent looks and sounds like from the beginning of sex to the end of sex, no matter if it’s at the making out stage or halfway through the act.

Other messages highlighted were what intimacy truly looks like with younger characters, what authentic communication with your partner looks like before making decisions about sex, how sex isn’t just for male pleasure, how knowing your body isn’t something to be embarrassed about, how it’s okay for a young man to have softer approaches to sex unlike what’s portrayed in the media, and so forth. Very important concepts for teens to understand before they take that next step. The normalization of these messages can’t truly be achieved in authentic ways during the act if we continue fading to black in our books.

So in conclusion, I write this blog post not because a bunch of people had issues with my novel (there has been VERY little discomfort with it) but just to elaborate my thoughts on sex in YA as a whole with a concrete example since it’s been quite the hot topic on social media/blogs, and it’s been brought up in discussion in my comments/lives.

If you’re ever hesitant about your sex scene when writing YA, of course be mindful to describe the experience tastefully (no “dick me down” this and slippery pussy that, no ass clapping here and sucking whatever there — that’s CLEARLY explicit), but also keep in mind that your YA audience is a broad audience. YA could be middle age (11-14) or upper (15-18). There’s levels to your YA target audience. Mine is the latter, and I’m MORE than clear about that whether it’s in the book as a disclaimer or in my own author bio. Take that calculated risk, market your book correctly, and you should be fine.